


that i must love a loathed enemy

by notjodieyet



Series: Lily's Academy Era Canon [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Comedy, Cursed, M/M, TARDIS LOUNGE MADE ME DO IT, absolute hilarity, crackfic, have fun, i PROMISE this isn't serious lmaooo, it was real fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23567428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjodieyet/pseuds/notjodieyet
Summary: alternate title: theta/vansell hatefuck pwp 10k words(does not do what it says on the tin) (absolutely no fucking i promise)
Relationships: Theta Sigma/Vansell
Series: Lily's Academy Era Canon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730278
Comments: 14
Kudos: 17





	that i must love a loathed enemy

Theta was lonely.

He sat on the rooftop of the Academy science building number 3 and kicked his heels on the wall, feeling _off_ and needy and missing Koschei like hell. Kos was curled up asleep in his bed, room number 938E, the matching twin bed empty and its inhabitant watching the sky. 

He didn’t actually want to see Koschei. Seeing Koschei nowadays felt more like slow and drawn-out torture than anything else; the way he smiled and laughed and his eyes lit up were all taunting Theta with the constant reminder _he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t love you and he never will._

So he’d come up to the roof. Nobody had ever interrupted him on the roof of science building number 3. He doubted anyone knew how to get up here.

It was dark, and the stars were foggy up in the burnished sky. He didn’t think about their names, but he had a knack for astronomy (“You have _got_ to study,” Koschei had said before their quiz last month. Theta didn’t study. He still scored second-highest in the class.) (“Bastard,” Koschei had said then.)

“Hey,” said somebody behind him, and Theta nearly fell off the roof of science building number 3 to his embarrassing death far below. (He wondered if Ushas would write his obituary as promised. Theta could see the news headline: _Idiot Yearning Student Falls Off Academy Roof While Yearning, What A Yearning Fool._ )

Vansell (???!!!!) sat down beside him. “I said hey, are you fucking deaf?”

“Fuck off,” said Theta. 

“You first,” said Vansell, and they both stared off in dramatic adolescent hatred at the sky. 

Theta wondered why he’d come. Vansell — good ol’ Vansey — was a notorious tattletale, bully, and all-around absolute horrible person. Even Jelpax had once pointed out that he was _an awful guy_ , word-for-word. Perhaps Vansell was about to drag him down to Borusa’s office, smirking that awful smirk the whole way down. Theta might get kicked out of the Academy for that, especially without Star Student Koschei Oakdown to flutter his eyelashes and reduce his sentence.

“Up here wondering why your precious rat boy isn’t smitten with you?” said Vansell. 

“Rat boy? Where’d you get rat boy?”

Vansell only smirked at that. It really wasn’t fair that he could just say bullshit like that and get away with it without explanation. _Theta_ had to be clever and witty all the time. It just wasn’t fair.

“He’s not a rat boy,” said Theta. 

“You’d think so.”

“Fuck you,” said Theta, again. 

Vansell shoved him, lightly, and that same fear flashed in his bones. _Idiot Yearning Student Is Pushed Off Academy Roof_. Theta shoved back. 

“You really like him,” sneered Vansell, and Theta flushed. He did not like Vansell Nosebung Asshole Homophobe knowing that he was so desperately into Koschei he had to sit up on the roof of science building number 3 to listen to the beats of his own hearts and think about snogging the life out of him.

“Fuck. The fuck. Off.”

Vansell rolled his eyes and scooted a few centimetres away. 

After a few minutes, he said with a strange and undeniable softness in his voice, “I’ve never liked anybody like that.” 

“Shut up.”

“No, really.”

“Well, it fucking sucks.”

“Whatever. I know there’s probably gaggles of girls who’d liked to be kissed by you, golden boy.”

Theta stared at Vansell. “I don’t _want_ to kiss gaggles of girls, you idiot. I want to kiss _Koschei_.” He really, really hated talking about his love life with Vansell. “You really don’t get it, do you.”

Vansell chewed his lip. “Maybe I don’t.”

Theta was not a fan of the idea that popped into his head, but he knew it would screw with Vansey beyond belief; so he took a deep, fortifying breath, licked his lips, leaned in, and kissed Vansell so deeply Theta would be tasting dust for days. 

Vansell was not a bad kisser, which was vaguely upsetting, for some reason. He was shocked, at first, but he parted his lips and hovered his hands on the back of Theta’s head and leaned in quite nicely.

In moments, the whole experience was over and Vansell was blushing and fidgeting. “I —”

Theta grinned. 

Vansell kissed him again, and Theta found he didn’t _quite_ have to squeeze his eyes shut and pretend he was kissing Kos this time. He never would’ve thought he’d ended up kissing Nosebung on the roof of science building 3 a week ago. (Or, hell, this morning. Or an hour ago. Or a few minutes ago. This night was absolutely wild.)

They separated. Theta blinked.

“Let’s never talk about this again, hm?” he said.

“Agreed,” said Vansell, quickly. 

Theta couldn’t stop himself from kissing him quickly on the nose and flashing a cheeky grin at him before he stood to go. “Oh, one more thing?”

“What?”

“I was never here,” said Theta, and (he hoped) vanished into the night.


End file.
